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As I type this, tears are forming in my eyes. My stomach is audible and empty, but I know I will be able to secure food by sunset at my house.

I am at work but mentally I am underground. My computer is begging me to charge it, but even that seems like a lot of effort. What’s the point?

My child notices my absence and is concerned until I hold her and sing her favorite song, “the wheels on the bus.” Her bubbly, smiling self is the only saving grace in my day. I know I am blessed to have safety.

I hate myself for it.

The thing is, I am guilty. Guilty of not doing enough, guilty of spending time being complicit, guilty of letting my emotions run my entire life. And guilty of watching a livestream of a modern genocide. Guilty of being American.

It doesn’t matter if the people in Gaza are my relatives, or that they share the same Abrahamic religion I share. What matters is that humans are being starved, babies are decomposing, walking kids are being targeted by snipers and I am just sitting here at work pretending everything will be ok.

I have to take a deep breath and try to get back to work. But I can’t, and I really don’t want to either. I’m staring at this report I really should get started on. And usually, routine is helpful to keep my mind occupied so I don’t fall into a spiral. The blank document is staring me in the face.

Since October 8, Israel has engaged in the genocidal behaviors of forced displacement, starving and murdering of Palestinians in Gaza (LINK). This offense is somehow still ‘justified’ by mainstream media due to the October 7, 2023 attack of a music festival in Israel killing 1200 Israeli’s and taking civilians as hostages. The attack was initiated by Hamas, a liberation group that was actually funded by Israel for many years but then became a resistance force for the Palestinian people.

We come to 6 months later, and that event is somehow a justification for the ongoing genocide in the Gaza strip, from forced starvation, to rape, and it seems like the world powers are not listening to the people shout “Free Palestine!” or “Ceasefire Now!”. The government powers that be (gross) are only interested in two things: their bottom line, and their blind, unwavering alliance to Israel. The people of this world are currently not being represented by their governments, and it’s absolutely disgusting.

I am not sure how many dead babies I have to see until a permanent ceasefire is called. I feel like everything else is moot.

Yes, this is the holy month of Ramadan. A large percentage of Gazans are Muslim. Did you know they are fasting? They are literally dying of starvation and they still feel obligated to fast for the sake of Allah (SWT). And no, this isn’t some kind of inspirational story to get people more faithful. This act of participating shows that Gazans have nothing left but their faith. There are countless videos of women wearing Muslim garments even at night in order to remain covered in the event they are murdered. There are women who are weeping in disbelief that the 9 month old they were consoling and nursing the day before now dons a white covering with a lifeless body underneath.

As I type, the genocide Israel and the United States are complicit in has entered the 7th month.

7th Month! And the USA is still watching, the belly of gluttony never full from their incited entertainment in watching forced starvation mixed with capitalist propaganda.

It makes me sick.

I am working on myself during this time. And I am keeping Gaza in my mind while donating to causes that want to bring awareness but also help those in Gaza. I do want to dive deeper into how some grifters are using the genocide in Gaza to build their platforms. A website that dedicates funds to help humanitarian crises is https://wearthepeace.com/.

To an infamous coward in the ABA sphere: Being edgy for the sake of being edgy does not help a single soul. Not those you serve, and definitely not those who look up to you. You call yourself angry and unorthodox but fear to talk about Palestine since it is a talking point that goes nowhere? You are following the status quo, and you are falling face first into the repercussions of your so-called gotcha points.

Point blank: If you aren’t for Palestine and you’re not vocal about it, you are pathetic and only care for human

And yes, it is Israhell. And yes, you aren’t honestly unorthodox. You’re honestly conservative drivel masquerading as a human services professional and guess what? We aren’t listening anymore.

It’s our turn to speak. Shut up.